Lost Souls Found
by alterfano
Summary: This story is on hiatus until further notice. I'm leaving it up because there is a nice lime worth reading in chapter 5. Thanks to all the reviewers who've encouraged me to finish it. I hope to one day. The final battle is over, leaving dangerous seeds o
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This story is on hiatus until further notice.  I first published this in Spring of '06. By the time I got to chapter 5, it had ballooned into about three stories all vying for space in this one. I need to work out some themes in my other fics and then hopefully will return to this one. I'm leaving it up because some people have liked it – and Chapter 5 is a pretty nice lemon if I do say so myself. Thanks to all the reviewers who've encouraged me to continue. I hope to do so._

_Some Japanese translations:_

Oni a vengeful spirit, an ogre, a demon

Youkai a magical, spiritual creature

Hanyou half youkai, half human creature

**Lost Souls Found**

**Prologue: Poor Boy**

Deep within the crystal prison, battle raged.

Midoriko - or what was left of the ancient Miko's warrior spirit -- and her Monster fought on, day and night, now and forever, because they had long ago forgotten how to do anything else. Despite their efforts to vanquish each other, they were now fused to one another in time, and outside of it. Forever bonded, they had become the very Spirit of the most eternal of struggles.

Only one purpose drove them, drove them so urgently that they remained blind to the eventuality that when one of them finally won, they both lost everything.

As they had always done, they reached into the world outside to gather and manipulate its great energy to defeat their sworn enemy, each other, themselves.

This battle, begun like so many before it, had taken a newly fatal turn. It was the arrival of the elder Miko that turned the tide, accompanied by her young sacrifice, but things did not go as she or her guide inside the jewel had plotted. The men outside had worn each other down, and Midoriko has been successful in drawing the Wolf close enough to immobilize him at last and trick the corporeal monster into seizing the shards in his legs. The jewel was almost complete, its power ready.

Using the spirit of the young Miko, Midoriko called the purification arrow to her and managed to spare the Wolf's life. He rewarded her richly by wielding the power of his ancestors to lay open a great wound on the monster's neck.

Perhaps to distract his enemies, the monster released the scores of oni souls that lay trapped in its body, erupting from the gash left behind by the Wolf.

Midoriko feinted back to let the monster grab for the last remaining shard in the sacrificial boy. That is when things unplanned began to unfold. The elder Inuyoukai unleashed a sword of the otherworld with such compassion that it reverberated into the very walls enclosing her.. Awakened, the lost souls of the monster's amalgam turned upon one another and fought to be free of their tortured, fleshy prison. In the power of their eruption, they knocked the elder Miko and boy aside, and Midoriko's plan began to falter. Unprepared for the onslaught of monstrous souls, she could not withstand the swarm of hate assaulting her defensive stance and momentarily she perished.

Unable to leave her prison, unable to dissipate, and mercilessly resurrected by her Monster, her partner in war, Midoriko winked back into time. Desperately she cast about for protection until she could reform a plan. Near her, placing himself between the battle and the two Miko, was the young Hanyou, the need to protect boiling in his soul. Midoriko needed that protection and she reached desperately to draw him to her, the only weapon within her reach. He gave his gentle soul to her, allowing her to grasp what lay within him and twist it, planting the seed that brought out the wild oni hiding within. With this new strength, she was able to direct his great power into the Monster's war upon itself, driving them all down into final darkness.

The jewel, its battle and its flux, returned to the earth from which it would soon rise again in the hearts and souls of the creatures who dwelt there.

The ancient Miko's last wisp of thought was, "what have I done to that poor boy?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note: Goddess Takahashi owns all these wonderful characters._

**Lost Souls Found**

**Chapter 1: The End**

"YES!" InuYasha's voice ripped out of his throat. His victorious growl sounded wrong in his ears. Everything was wrong. His heart beat so loudly that it threatened to drown out all other sounds. His breath was ragged; his hands gripping Tetsusaiga were streaked with purple gashes, matching those on his face and chest, where demon energy had flowed moments before. But worst of all was his clearing head, remembering that in those last moments when he jumped in front of Kagome and Kikyo, both unconscious under Naraku's advance, he had offered his life to protect them. But it was not his life that was taken. It was his soul that was borrowed. Understanding the bargain, his soul for their lives, he had given it freely. The power that gripped him, flowing from elsewhere through him, through Tetsusaiga, was tremendous. But it was not his; he was merely a puppet on its string, played like a toy on a killing rampage.

Naraku was no match for it, nor was anyone else. The blast wave knocked Miroku and Sango aside like dolls, InuYasha couldn't even see them from where he stood. Kohaku took a piece of it to the side and lay moaning in a pool of blood. Kilala was unmoving beyond him, laying atop Shippo. The energy would have vaporized Kagome and Kikyo had InuYasha himself not stood before them, somehow having the presence of mind to hold out Tetsusaiga's scabbard to divert the blast. He glanced back briefly to see that both women were still unconscious, nestled against each other in the one untouched area of earth behind him, the surrounding rock fused into glass from the power of his blast.

Only the bastard Sesshomaru still stood upright, looking at his half brother with unreadable eyes. A goopy, gurgling sound from below drew their attention from each other.

Naraku's shocked-open eye was the last of him to disappear into the molten pool of lava in the volcano's womb. A silence descended on the mountain as they watched the glowing, oozing mass of magma swirl around, digesting its noxious meal. Without uttering a word, they both knew the thoughts they shared. _Is he going to come back?_ _Doesn't he always come back?_ _Could he somehow take the very heart of the earth into his damned youkai-amalgam of a body and come back invincible?_

InuYasha ignored Sesshomaru, who watched him carefully carry Kagome and Kikyo down off the mountain. He couldn't tell if Kikyo was alive, since she never breathed any more. But Kagome was. He almost broke down when he realized she was not badly injured, stopping only to hold her a moment longer, feeling the warmth of her body and the strength of her heart beat, letting it comfort him and stave off the blackness that was crowding in on him. He laid her down next to Kikyo and carried the image of the two of them as he hurried back up the mountain to bring down the rest.

"Why don't you help me, asshole?" he growled at Sesshomaru, who stood by passively. His voice was not back to normal, hurting his throat with its deep, guttural tone.

Sesshomaru did not respond with his usual cool retort. He merely watched his brother go about his work.

InuYasha ignored him again and found Sango and Miroku behind a boulder. Luckily, his blast had hit the boulder, which unluckily pushed it over on them. InuYasha's heart moved into his throat as he reached down to lift the boulder off their legs. God, had he really done this? He couldn't tell how badly they were hurt, so he tried to be very careful as he lifted them and walked them carefully to where Kagome lay. They made little unconscious pain noises that stabbed him in the heart as he lay them down. Like a warrior feeling for the heartbeat of a downed enemy, he gingerly peeked under the sheilding cloth and beads on Miroku's Kazaana. Beneath the spelled protective layers lay bare skin, smooth as a baby's, which is probably what it had been the last time Miroku hand had been whole. InuYasha breathed a little more easily until he looked again at Miroku's body, and Sango's next to him. Their legs looked crushed and covered in gashes, and he took that image with him back up to Kohaku, Kilala and Shippo.

Kilala had transformed in her unconsciousness and was whimpering softly. He tucked her and the dazed Kitsune into the front of his haori as he moved to Kohaku. The sight of Kohaku's face, blackened skin on his neck and cheek, blood oozing from his shoulder, made InuYasha sick, and the growing blackness came upon him again. With a growl he pushed it back, _stay focused, you worthless piece of shit_, he thought to himself and lifted Kohaku's light form, trying not to touch the black skin. He couldn't help it and his fingers brushed the wounds, causing Kohaku to cry out and open his eyes deliriously.

"Am I dead?" the boy muttered. "Why aren't I dead?" Desperation shone in his eyes, as they hazily came to rest on InuYasha's face where fear took them over; fear and a momentary flash of hatred. Kohaku passed out in his arms. InuYasha moved slowly down the hill again, bearing his burdens in silence.

Last was Koga, the unconscious wolf bled trails of blood from his shredded legs. InuYasha carried him carefully and laid him down, giving him a silent word of thanks for his bravery in revealing Naraku's weakness to Sesshomaru's Tenseiga of the Otherworld. _Dumb wolf_, he thought to himself, _I guess we couldn't have done it without you after all._

He sat by his friends, holding Kagome's hand and stewing in his self loathing. _Please wake up, Kagome! You need to help them. I can't do it. I'm just good for killing._ As if called by his thought, her eyes fluttered open and she took him in. He was embarrassed for her to see the demon scars on his face and hands and he looked away.

"What happened?" she said softly, raising a hand to a small cut on her head and wincing as her fingers touched the bruised flesh beneath it. He knew she was asking about him more than the battle, but he couldn't answer her.

"Naraku's gone," he said in a gravelly voice, "everyone's hurt." He chanced a look back at her with pleading eyes, "can you help them?"

This seemed to help her clear her head and she looked around at the carnage that was her friends. "Oh!" she said. As she moved to get up and reach for her bag, which InuYasha had retrieved, she stopped, and reached out for him. Taking his hand in her own soft, cool fingers, she tried to look in his eyes, but he looked further away.

"InuYasha," she said quietly, knowing something was wrong. "Thank you."

It was too much, and he launched himself away from her, intending to run into the forest and whack down a few trees. Sesshomaru appeared before him, blocking his path. InuYasha growled at him, an animal hatred boiling up.

"Witness," Sesshomaru said simply, but his command for InuYasha to follow was unmistakable. InuYasha wanted nothing less than to follow his arrogant brother, preferring to rip him to shreds. This thought, and the mindless killing instinct which simmered beneath it, frightened him and his anger cooled quickly. He watched Sesshomaru glide back up to the volcano's peak. Seeing where he was headed, InuYasha took the trip in three bounds and was waiting for his kin at the top.

InuYasha reached the summit and did a mental inventory of his body as he watched Sesshomaru move towards him. He noted the broken ribs, the buzzing in his ear from a slight concussion and the ripped skin across his shoulder blade from a particularly careless move when he briefly exposed his back. The pain was starting to come, perhaps signaling the return of his normal body, the demon in him receding into hiding once more.

Sesshomaru glided past him to hover over the steaming morass below. "Witness," he said again, pointing down into the maw of the earth. "Is he gone?"

"How the hell should I know?" InuYasha stepped up to the rocky lip of the cauldron, placing a foot at the edge to support his lean over. The heat blasted his face, blowing back the hair from his head. It was so intense that it felt paradoxically like a cool hand against his skin for a moment before it became so hot he began to smell his hair singe.

"Looks gone to me." Pulling back, he looked up at his half brother's impassively impatient expression and sighed. "Miroku's Kazaana is gone," he said, releasing the information he knew Sesshomaru sought.

"Naraku has played this trick before," Sesshomaru said evenly.

"Yep," said InuYasha, "right down to Miroku's disappearing wind hole," memories of Naraku 'dying' to tempt Kaguya out of hiding came back to him too easily.

"So we wait," Kikyo said, arriving on the scene unannounced. She had not a trace of emotion in her voice, InuYasha noticed. He was disturbed by the sight of her, that awful gash in her shoulder, the same one every time. It lay open under her earth-stained shirt, exposing the darkness beneath, soil and bones, not blood and flesh. If Naraku was gone, how long would Kikyo live?

"Yep," said InuYasha again, trying to cover his uncertain emotions.

"However …" her voice trailed off and she lifted her chin, almost as though she were straining to hear something inaudible. "Something is different." She turned to look at InuYasha, and he was surprised to see a look of sadness in her eyes. Sadness for him.

"Keh!" He said to deflect the fact that her expression had unnerved him, "whatever."

"Good-bye, InuYasha," Kikyo said as she turned to move off the mountain slowly, not paying Sesshomaru a passing glance. "We will meet again, when it is time to leave this place." She stumbled a little.

"Wait, Kikyo!" InuYasha bounded to her, supporting her and blocking her path"Won't you let Kagome heal you?" Part of him realized that he wasn't really sure Kagome would want to heal Kikyo, but he could see her weakening and wanted to do something.

"This place in me will never heal, InuYasha," she said, again with no emotion. "Kagome needs her energy to heal the rest." She stood again with some effort. "I can keep the darkness away a bit longer, until I am sure he is truly gone." She raised a hand to InuYasha's check, brushing her finger lightly over his demon scars. He flinched under her touch, "then I will come for you."

A chill ran through his veins at her words _Come for me ... is she still planning to kill me?_ He let her stumble away from his supporting arms, seeing her in that new light, the same light that had shone on her when he realized she intended to sacrifice Kohaku. But this time, a certain symmetry struck him about their circumstance. The sweet, but deadly Miko he had turned into a monster with his distrust so long ago, was now truly his equal. The monster and the monster. Perhaps there was balance in her plan after all.

"Kikyo," he called after her. She stopped and turned to him, waiting. "Thank you for sparing Kohaku." Something in him wanted her to know that they didn't both have to be monsters. She stared at him, as though he were a child who did not realize the truth of things.

"It was not by my will that he lives," her words were carefully chosen. "I leave him in your care, and … InuYasha, I do not know that Kohaku has been spared."

Watching her walk slowly away, he puzzled on her words and said quietly, "good-bye, Kikyo."

"You are a sentimental fool," Sesshomaru's voice had the stealthy ring of a taunt. "Perhaps I should take you down right here. Send you to join Naraku."

"Right," InuYasha shook himself from his dark thoughts, his voice becoming casual and dismissive with true effort. He was no fool. He did not turn his back on his brother, but moved a bit further away from the edge to position himself out of sword's reach. "You are a real bastard, you know that?"

"I am not the bastard in this family," Sesshomaru cracked what almost looked like a smile, if you counted rows of pointed sharp teeth as a smile. "We will have our reckoning someday, little brother."

They looked at each other, both expressions hard to read. Despite the challenging words and unfathomable faces, it was clear to them both that there was no fight left in the Demon Dog clan today.

Sesshomaru ascended slowly to drift out over the valley, following the wind as it played with his hair and cloak.

InuYasha could not bring himself to return to the group. Rationalizing that Kagome would need water, he ran down to her and grabbed the water jug without looking at her or any of the broken bodies in his wake, heading off before she could do more than call his name.

His body was returning to normal. He could feel the healing begin; the purple on his hands and chest were fading, his head was clearing, his skin was mending itself. But his heart was still sick. Now that he was alone, the sickness spread until he roared into the forest, letting loose a rage he had only dimly sensed bubbling below his consciousness, lying in wait within him.

How in all hells did this happen? He had been holding Tetsusaiga! He had been willing to give his life to protect Kagome and Kikyo, but even that was not enough. He felt ill again, and his empty stomach churned. He would have vomited out his insides if he could have. Why couldn't his life have been enough?

He slumped onto the moist ground, letting the cool wet smell of moss fill his nose and calm him with its comforting scent. The fresh memories came to him unbidden, bringing fear to his heart and tears to his eyes. He had been violated from within, used and forced to watch his body as it did another's bidding. When the demon, _his_ demon self he realized with a fresh wave of nausea, took his soul, he had been helpless to control it, helpless to stop himself from almost killing his friends. The other times, he'd found out later what had happened, but this time he'd had to watch as the other took over. He'd had to watch as he turned murderous energy on Sango, Miroku and Kohaku. All the screaming in his head could not reach them with a warning.

And the worst vision came then; he knew with certainty that if Kagome had been standing in front of Naraku, his demon soul would have killed her too. _Your demon soul, not your soul, _a little voice said. He growled at it, _who the fuck cares? She'd still be dead! _This thought brought another roar to his lips and he screamed it into the silent forest until his throat was raw.

Was there no way to banish this demon from him forever?

It had been two days since the battle, and Kagome was exhausted. She'd been tending Kohaku day and night, the burns keeping him in constant agony. She was so befuddled with the sleeplessness that she didn't know if it was weariness or the emotional exhaustion of hearing his constant whimpering and crying that had worn her down so terribly.

InuYasha came up, carrying Sango in his arms. He had not slept either, silently doing her bidding to bring water, move bodies, build fires, cook food, bring healing herbs from the village. She was grateful for his help, but in her weakened state, she recognized a brewing anger at him too. He would not look at her, would not comfort her. She knew he was hurting for some reason. His demon self had been brought forth, but he would not talk about it, would not let her comfort him. She was feeling alone, tired and terribly worried about Kohaku, and he would not reach out to her at all. He was happy to run around doing things, but he refused to feel anything at all – or at least would not tell her about it. And he wouldn't let her talk to him about her feelings either.

As InuYasha approached with Sango she heard them talking softly, and now he laid her gently down next to Kohaku so she could prop herself up on her elbows, her left leg still useless.

"Kagome-chan," her friend said carefully. Kagome was still in a fog and did not respond right away. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Sango look up at InuYasha, with a little affirmative nod. "Kagome-chan. InuYasha is worried about you." She reached over Kohaku's still form to touch Kagome's hand, bringing the tired girl somewhat out of her unfocused state, "let me watch Kohaku for a while. Please get some rest."

InuYasha stepped around Kohaku's inert form, coming to her and reaching down to take her hand. "Come with me, Kagome," He seemed sensitive to her weakness, and knelt to take her in his arms. She put her arms around his neck and let him carry her. She had forgotten how much she needed the feel of his body. He did not take her to a quiet place to let her lay down, as she expected. Instead, he walked slowly up to the volcano's cone. She could feel that he was tired too. His wounds had healed, but he had not slept. Again, she worried for him. She didn't understand what was tormenting him, and didn't have the energy to ask the question she knew he wouldn't answer. So she contented herself with holding on to him as he walked.

They arrived at the top, and he leaned over so they could look into the maw of heat and death, seething below. No sign of anything but the earth's very blood. He stepped back down away from the blasting heat and sat heavily, resting her in his lap and his arms. He held her to him.

"Kagome," he said distractedly, "are you sure you can't feel any trace of the jewel?" His voice sounded uncertain, as though he did not really want to know the answer to his question.

Her heart sank a little; some little part of her had expected him to expound on his feelings for her, apologize for being so distant, tell her he loved her ... she took a breath and lifted her chin up, realizing the adventure really wasn't over yet, and she had to stay focused. InuYasha was right to worry. She closed her eyes and searched the Otherzone, which is how she thought of the place only her heart could feel, the place between life and death, between earth and sky, between dark and light. The place where the jewel lived.

"Only Kohaku-kun's shard," she reported, opening her eyes. "But …"

"What?" InuYasha looked at her briefly, quickly looking away before their eyes met.

"Well, when Naraku disappeared to trick Kaguya out," Kagome's eyes took on a faraway look, remembering her bondage, and her one kiss with the half demon holding her now, "the jewel felt 'gone.' But when Naraku came back, I realized it hadn't really been gone at all, but sortof 'masked.' If that makes any sense."

InuYasha looked up at the clouds, listening.

"This time it feels more '-- gone," she said.

She saw InuYasha absorb this information. To her surprise, he didn't look happy in the knowledge that their quest to annihilate Naraku was probably successful. The news didn't seem to bring him joy or excitement. Quite the opposite, she realized ominously. She suddenly became aware that what she saw in his face was fear, fear and uncertainty. This scared her.

"Won't you tell me what's wrong?" she put all her anger at him aside and tried to let her heart reach out to him through her voice, and the light touch of her hand on his cheek.

He reacted to her touch as though she hurt him, jerking his head away from her fingers, clearly upset. No words came from his mouth, only a strangled sound from his throat, and he just shook his head. He would not answer her in words, but he held her more tightly to him.

What had happened in this battle? What could she do? Was it Kikyo? What had happened before she left?

He took a deep breath and regained some of his composure. Still not looking at her he said, "it's nothing, Kagome. I'm fine."

But he wasn't' fine. She knew something was terribly wrong. The hollowness in his voice was unbearable; sounding the tone of a broken spirit. She leaned her head against his chest. Closing her eyes, she listened to his heart.

_To be continued …_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: Goddess Takahashi owns all these wonderful characters._

**Lost Souls Found**

**Chapter 2: Summer Vacation**

They camped out at the base of the Volcano for several weeks, tending to their hurts, resting up and waiting - waiting to see if Naraku would pull another miracle from his body and rise to wreak greater wickedness upon the land.

The birds chirped. The sun shone. The rain fell. And most of the wounds healed.

One early morning found them sitting around their makeshift camp, Sango, Miroku and Kohaku closest to the fire where the medicinal poultice for Kohaku's burns bubbled gloppily. Kohaku himself had been extremely quiet since becoming conscious again. Still in a great deal of pain, he rarely talked, only asking after Kikyo, and Sango never left his side.

As they sat this morning, Sango stirred the medicines while Miroku massaged the blood into her injured foot as Kagome had instructed him. Sango could walk now, but Miroku still needed InuYasha or Koga to support him on his broken leg. It would be summer's end before he walked normally on his own. Miroku had treated this news as though he'd been given a great gift, letting out whooping laughs upon learning of his disability. As he had told the group when they reacted strangely to his cries, crushed legs were an easy trade for the disappearance of the kazaana, which had almost eaten away to his heart by the time the battle came upon them. Miroku had been their savior these last weeks, using his good mood to try to bring some humor and happiness to their days. It was a tough job.

InuYasha and Koga both sat back from the group, on opposite sides of the fire, always squaring off from each other, seldom interacting. Still, they seemed to have reached some kind of truce because they weren't constantly throwing verbal – or other – punches at each other since the battle.

"Now what?" squeaked Shippo into the early morning mist.

Kagome was still tired, but she was getting sick of sitting around in the gloomy shadow of the battle field, and in the even gloomier shadow of whatever was still haunting InuYasha. He had continued to keep his distance from her and it was pissing her off. She thought she would try to lighten things up a bit, if only to lift her own spirits. Rising to rummage through her bag, she pulled out a paper with little boxes on it. "All right!" she whooped, and everyone turned to look at her, surprise etched on their faces. "Today's June 14!" They all looked at her with the same _So?_ expression.

"So ..." she said teasingly, "it's the start of summer vacation!" She did a little dance. "No more tests! I don't have to go back to school for three months!"

Everyone looked at her blankly, trying to absorb the fact that she was talking about tests when the battle of their lifetime still hung around them unresolved. Miroku seemed to understand first what she was trying to do and joined in.

"What is a … 'vacation'?" he rolled the leading question out in front of her, waiting for her to pick it up.

"Time off," Kagome lobbed back at him while reassembling her pack. "Three months to just do nothing. Relax. Go for walks with no destination. Enjoy ourselves."

They took in the idea, knowing they needed more rest, and not sure what was next in the battle against Naraku, if indeed there was a 'next'. The thought of what came after Naraku's final demise had always been a tentative subject for the group. They all knew that someday this adventure would end one way or another, and it would be time to move on – possibly separate. It was not something they discussed often.

"Three months," Miroku said thoughtfully, continuing his game with Kagome. "I'm guessing that if Naraku is going to make a reappearance, it would be in that time." He flexed his hand as he often did now when he was deep in thought. He'd opted to keep the wrist cover and beads on it despite his skin's new normalcy. Superstition or habit, his friends weren't sure.

InuYasha relaxed a little for the first time in days. Time off had a nice ring to it. He was even the one to break the silence, unusual for him lately. "A vacation-thing doesn't sound so bad," he seemed about to say something else and then stopped. The group began discussing the options they had for this vacation-thing Kagome had introduced to the feudal era, but Kagome noticed InuYasha's reserve in the conversation and wondered, if he would use the time to come to terms with whatever secret he was keeping from them. Would he open up to her in that time?

"Well, it's been fun," Koga said, standing gingerly on his still healing legs, but holding the rest of his body with its usual confidence. "I gotta go. I've had enough time off already."

"Bummer," InuYasha said, but actually cracked a slight smile when Koga looked up at him, "you know how much we'll miss 'ya."

"Yeah," Koga took the compliment in the spirit it was given, "I know." He came to Kagome and took her hand. She noticed InuYasha lean closer, and it made her feel warm inside that he still got jealous over Koga's strange overtures of platonic romance. "Kagome, I'll miss you."

"Koga-kun," she said, worry in her voice. "Are you sure you'll be ok on your own?" She realized after she said it that her words could be construed as disrespectful of his strength and cunning, but he seemed to find her concern touching.

"I'll be fine," he assured her, "besides, I've got these," he said and he flexed his strong hand to let the tips of his Goraishi claws poke through. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You take care, Kagome." He didn't' add the _you're my mate_ line that usually came with his good-byes, which was perhaps why InuYasha didn't jump to knock him over. Kagome couldn't decide if she was glad or sad that InuYasha stayed leaning against his tree.

Koga seemed to notice this too, since he chose to exit their circle by walking past the hanyou. Approaching InuYasha where he stood by the tree, arms crossed in front of him, the wolf demon pointed a finger directly at the half-demon's nose. "_You_ take care of her, dog breath." Then he opened his hand and lowered his arm, inviting a true good-bye.

InuYasha looked at the hand, under which the Goraishi claws hid, his thoughts unreadable. He took one arm out and swiped his claws gently across the wolf's open palm in as friendly a slap as they'd ever seem him mete out, considering that he didn't draw any blood.

"Don't I always?" InuYasha said, perhaps a little defensively.

Koga grunted and walked slowly away, his legs less than normal now that the shards were gone. Kagome thought he looked a little sad, and she wondered if she would ever see him again.

They decided to spend their vacation near a lake a few miles away. Kagome, Shippo on her shoulder, walked much of the way while InuYasha and Kilala shuttled the rest of the band, who were unable to move on their own, and then went to the village for additional supplies. Finally, just after noon, InuYasha brought Kilala to Kagome, still on her walk, and indicated she should ride to their new camp.

"I'm going hunting," he said when she asked him where he was off to. She was sad, watching him leave. She had hoped to ride on his back that afternoon.

As his red haori took off into the dark forest, Shippo voiced her thoughts. "What a jerk!" the little kitsune cried after the disappearing flash of red. "He hasn't paid any attention to you in weeks."

"Hm," she said, wondering if it was as obvious to everyone else as it was to Shippo. _Probably even more obvious,_ she thought depressingly.

"Come on, Kilala," she said as they flew off.

InuYasha ran fast and hard. Since the battle, he had fallen into a routine of taking care of the group, which was definitely in need of his protection and strength right now. He felt it was at least a little penance he could give them for his role in their current state of injury. He felt frozen inside, waiting for someone to say something, blame him, yell at him. He almost needed them to so he could scream back out his own anger. But they were too weak, too hurt. And he knew if he was alone with Kagome, she would ask him again, ask him to tell her what was wrong. And if he told her, she would be scared. Scared of him. He wouldn't do that to her. He couldn't stand the thought of her looking to him for assurances he could not give, assurances that he would never become that demon again. Better to just keep his distance from her and everyone else. Although he was barely conscious of it, this distance just fueled his anger at himself, which continued to grow and fester. Right now, he needed to get away and run some of it off.

He caught the scent of a rabbit den and changed course to circle around it, approaching from downwind. He fell easily into hunting, slowing to quiet his step and become attuned to the sounds and smells of the forest. He saw the den and settled down to wait behind a tree, ready to pounce when dinner showed itself. As he sat, relaxing his conscious mind to let the unconscious predator come forth, another memory came to him unbidden, the memory of the moment he lost his soul. There had been one moment of hesitation, a brief second when the other was present but not one with him. In that moment, using the strength of Tetsusaiga's shield, he could have said no, could have turned it away … couldn't he? But he didn't. And when he didn't, his soul moved aside, receded to make room for the other, and he became lost within himself. Even though the other had pulled away again after the battle, he realized with a shock, his own soul didn't feel solidly seated even now. It was as if, having moved aside once, it no longer fit comfortably inside him. His body and soul felt ajar. A shudder ran through him, and he almost missed the rabbit.

InuYasha carried his catch back to their new camp slowly, not really wanting to engage in social banter around the campfire. Looking for diversions, he thought to explore their new territory and followed his nose to water. He was not prepared for the sight of a familiar waterfall and small clearing on the mountainside, a place he had been before, a place where Kikyo and Kagome had been before. Stepping into the clearing, he recognized the place where Kagome had once cleansed Kikyo's wounds from Naraku's shouki.

Maybe it was just old memory, but he could swear he smelled Kikyo's presence here still. He sat and let the thoughts from their last meeting come back to him. Did she really still want him dead? Once, he had been ready to die with her out of guilt and pain, succumbing to her spell. But that was when he felt he had nothing to live for. Did he still feel that way? Things were different now. He had friends who depended on him. He had … he had Kagome. Of course, what good was he to them, to her, if he had a monster living inside him; if he couldn't trust his own body and mind? What kind of protector could he be? He fingered the Sit Beads at his neck, hating them and remembering that they were the only thing that had allowed him to stay with her this long. Much as he detested them for limiting his freedom, he recognized the protection they gave her over both his stupidity and the demon inside him. Could they protect her from this new demon? The one that could break Tetsusaiga's shield?

Kikyo's scent became stronger and his ears caught the snap of a twig. Was she here? He looked to the other side of the clearing and saw her red and white shape form out of the darkness of the forest. She stepped into the light, looking at him without surprise or welcome.

"Kikyo," he stood and moved towards her.

"You found this place," Kikyo's words were slow, her eyes lidded, "I am glad, InuYasha." She stepped slowly into the water.

"What are you doing?" He did not like the look of her, she was not well. Although the fabric over her wound had been mended, something in her movement told him she herself was still torn underneath. "Can I help you?"

She put on a humorless smile. "Perhaps someday." She knelt into the water so that it covered her shoulders, her hair floating out aimlessly in the water around her. "I need to rest here sometimes. It slows the poison."

"Where were you, just now?" InuYasha was genuinely curious as to what Kikyo was doing now that Naraku was gone.

"Out," she said quietly, "out looking for any sign of him. A sign of the jewel."

"Did you find anything?" InuYasha's ears perked at the thought of chasing Naraku again, "Kagome says she can't feel the jewel. She thinks he's gone."

"As do I," Kikyo might have sighed if she'd had breath. "My spells and my shikigami have found nothing."

Her words sent a cold jolt into his heart, bringing forth the real possibility that he'd not allowed himself to consider fully. What if Narku and the jewel were really gone? A jerky movement from Kikyo drew his attention back to her; she shifted in the sand under her knees.

"But there are places yet unsearched."

"Kikyo," he let his worry creep into his voice, "how long can you live like this?"

"InuYasha, I do not live," she looked sadly into his eyes. "I will come to you before I let go of this body. I will not die without you."

InuYasha was again unnerved by her words. Part of him wanted to ask her what she meant, but the other part of him did not want to know.

"Go back to your friends," she said simply, "they need you now and there is nothing you can do for me here." She shifted again and began to lay back into the water. "I will be here if you need me." As her face slipped beneath the water's smooth surface, not a bubble or a ripple disturbed it. He watched her still form, her perfect features, encased in the liquid, unmoving. He left quietly, shaking off a chill.

Five weeks later, only a few things had changed. InuYasha was still keeping to himself, but he had found a few minor demon nests and enjoyed eradicating them. Unlike the other times Naraku had disappeared, the larger demons had not emerged. It was almost as if Naraku was truly gone and had taken the world's evil with him. No one really believed this, of course, but they had fun imagining it and enjoying their own opportunity to relax from the hunt.

InuYasha had also taken a new interest in teaching Shippo some of the finer points of demon detection and attack, which kept them both busy. He even sat with Kohaku sometimes when the others couldn't, talking to the boy who was still so sad. Kohaku was now able to sit up and move slowly, but his spirit had not returned. InuYasha seemed particularly aware of this and had begun spending more time with him. Sango noticed and was grateful. But she also noticed how sad Kagome was becoming. InuYasha wasn't spending any time with her, even seemed to be avoiding her. Everyone noticed this, especially Kagome.

Kagome had begun taking walks in the afternoon to think and be alone. She believed that InuYasha usually followed her. She sensed him more than heard or saw him and he always returned from 'somewhere' shortly after she did. It did make her feel better to know her protector hadn't abandoned her completely, but she wished he'd just come out and walk with her sometimes. She had hoped that once Koga left, InuYasha would want to spend more time with her. Her walks had gotten longer, giving him more chances he didn't take.

One day, she decided to follow a little stream further up the mountainside than usual. She planted a crossed stick at the intersection of the streambed and the path that would take her home and headed deeper into the wild forest. It did amaze her how much she'd grown since this journey began. She was emotionally, mentally and physically more confident. Never one to take much guff from anyone, she was now positively sure she wouldn't put up with it, even from InuYasha at his most fierce. _Maybe that's why he's leaving me alone,_ she thought suddenly; _maybe he wants someone more … passive._ She sighed, knowing this train of thought was bound to leave her sad again. She looked up into the tree tops, closing her eyes to enjoy the dabbling sunlight filtering down on her face. She couldn't help herself, and peeked through her closed eyelids hoping to catch a glimpse of red flitting through the branches above. Nothing. InuYasha was downright nonexistent if he didn't want to be seen.

The little stream began to grow, sending the water rushing more vigorously over the stones, and she heard rushing water somewhere beyond the trees. Curious, she picked up her pace and soon stepped up into a picturesque opening in the trees with a beautiful clear water pool, a waterfall dropping into it over a rocky wall. The place was familiar, and soon she placed it. _This is where I healed Kikyo from Naraku's miasma._ For a moment, the embarrassment of that time, when Kikyo hadn't even had the decency to thank her after she'd very likely risked her own life, came back to her, as did some of the anger she'd felt. Gradually, as she looked around the clearing at the perfectly placed rocks and crystal clear water, a new feeling overcame the embarrassment and anger. Kagome slowly realized that, after all the time that had passed, and all the maturity she'd gained, it was her choice whether to stay or go. And if these silly ancient people, InuYasha included, couldn't see clear to appreciate her – all of her, her gifts and her needs – someone somewhere would. She knew it.

"I don't have to worry about it until vacation is over," she said out loud to the rocks and trees and waterfall. She clapped her hands in front of her, as if to snuff out the worries and banish them off to the future where they belonged. An image of InuYasha being particularly haughty and disrespectful of her newly found confidence came to her then, folding his arms in front of him and turning away. For some reason, this action, one she'd seen him do so many times, brought a buried anger out of her and she said out loud, to release her own frustration, "Oh you jerk! Just SIT already!" The world around her was silent in response. She sighed. It had felt good even if she didn't get to see the smug look wiped off his face, which was really the only thing about that command she liked anymore.

On impulse, Kagome decided to take a swim. Glancing around one more time to make sure her invisible friend had not appeared, she moved to a rock and left her clothes there in the warm sunlight. Stripped bare, she felt the light wind and comforting sunlight on her body as she moved into the chilly water. Maybe they could find a hot spring somewhere nearby, she hoped to herself, as she felt the goose bumps rise all over her body, including on her nipples. It was exhilarating and she threw herself happily into the water. She swam and splashed in the waterfall, feeling very young – still mature, but young, too. This was exactly what she needed, time away from the serious creature she'd become so accustomed to worrying about, clinging to and wanting.

After a bit, she climbed out and lay on a flat rock to let herself dry off. She felt good. Maybe a little sleepy. She didn't quite snooze, but let herself drift with the wind, noticing when the wind stopped chilling her wet skin and became a warm caress as the water evaporated off her. It was the first time she'd felt wind on certain parts of her body. The first time she'd ever been that exposed to the elements. She sensed no danger and so she let herself enjoy the feelings until something in the angle of the sun changed and she knew it was time to go. Rising to put her clothes back on, she dressed and returned to the encampment at a leisurely pace, feeling confident and at ease.

When she returned, InuYasha was not there. As she set about helping Sango ready the fire for dinner, sending Shippo on small errands for water, firewood and plants, a nagging thought came to her. _What if he was there? What if he saw me?_ She stopped for a moment, staring into space. _So what if he did? _Her newly confident voice whispered in her ear. _You just showed him what he's missing._ She giggled out loud and Sango gave her a curious look. "Nothing," Kagome said to her friend.

InuYasha did not return to camp for a long time.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note: Warning – a little Lime. Goddess Takahashi owns all these wonderful characters._

**Lost Souls Found**

**Chapter 3: Choices**

The same morning Kagome went for her walk, InuYasha had joined Kohaku on his daily walk to the lake and back. The wounds on his side had been more severe than InuYasha was aware of at first, and the scars had begun to constrict some of his movements. Kagome had said he should move as much as possible now that the scar tissue was forming. InuYasha had begun to find comfort in the boy's silence, and sometimes they even talked a bit. Clearly, Kohaku was still disturbed by something that had happened at the Volcano, but he never wanted to talk about it, or anything else of his life with Naraku. That suited InuYasha just fine since he didn't really want to talk about stuff like that either.

As they walked, InuYasha could not wipe clear from his mind the boy's dizzy look of fear and hatred when he carried him off the mountain after the battle. His own guilt led him to assume that Kohaku's buried feelings were of hatred for him. Despite enjoying their silence, some strange desire to pay penance to Kohaku and to help alleviate his suffering kept him close to the boy, hoping he would come out with it and lay it on the half-demon. He knew instinctively that if Kohaku expressed his anger at InuYasha, it would help them both.

As usual, they walked in silence at first. InuYasha watched the boy's feet as they negotiated some tricky rocks, ready to catch him if he stumbled.

"InuYasha," Kohaku's voice was heavy, something weighing on his thoughts. "have you ever just …," _here it comes, _thought InuYasha, steeling himself to make the apology that probably wouldn't help. "Have you ever just wanted to disappear? Stop … stop being here?"

InuYasha was surprised. What was the kid saying? He halted and let Kohaku take a step beyond him and turn around.

"What do you mean?" InuYasha's voice was low. Kohaku could not hold his intense gaze and looked quickly at the ground. He moved over to a rock near the water's edge and sat, staring at the wind playing on the lake's surface.

"I mean," he hesitated again, "I mean I'm supposed to be dead." Anguish filled his voice and this time he did look at InuYasha, the suffering clear on his face. "I was going to be the one to make sure Naraku was dead! And … and …," he choked up, tears streaming down his cheeks, "and I was going to die in payment for everyone I killed!" He sobbed and raised his hands to his face. His whole body shuddered and he looked up at InuYasha with anger seething over his features, "why didn't you kill me?" he screamed out.

InuYasha was shocked, never expecting the boy to be harboring such dark thoughts. The anger he had expected from Kohaku aimed at him wasn't what he expected. The kid wasn't asking for an apology, but for an explanation. This made InuYasha a little angry, himself. He looked at Kohaku's heaving shoulders and felt unsure how to respond. Would returning the anger help? Reason? Silence? Suddenly, his own guilt came into perspective. He had merely injured his friends, and killed a bunch of demons and bandits, but this poor boy was carrying the deaths of his family, villagers and countless innocents. InuYasha tried to imagine what that burden would feel like and failed utterly. Next he tried to imagine what he could say to help Kohaku, and failed utterly at that too.

"Kohaku," InuYasha started talking before his mind caught up with his mouth. He prayed he didn't say anything really stupid, realizing Kohaku was on very shaky ground. He tried to walk a line between honoring Kohaku's guilt and giving him some kind of hope. Every instinct told him not to encourage the kid's death wish. "You did those things, but it was not your will that guided your hand. You must carry the burden of their deaths, but you shouldn't give up on life until it gives up on you." _And I'm certainly not going to be the one to give you the easy way out,_ a little voice in his head whispered.

Kohaku was listening, but his head still hung in his hands. InuYasha had a sobering thought, what if the boy _had_ played a willing part in those deaths? Kohaku was still, only his tears moving down his cheek.

"Kohaku," InuYasha put a sternness in his voice that commanded the boy to face him, "can you look me in the eye and tell me that your will was not behind those deaths?" Kohaku did not hesitate to nod his head, _yes._ InuYasha continued, not releasing Kohaku from his gaze, and giving his voice the quality of an oath, "and you swear that you will do everything in your power to never again kill out of anything but self-defense?" The boy nodded again, _yes._ "And you will do everything in your power to protect those weaker than you, to atone for what you have done?" _Yes. _

The boy looked into his eyes, responding to InuYasha's demands with an enthusiasm he hadn't displayed since before the battle. Suddenly, InuYasha knew what he needed to say.

"In that case, there is no easy way out." InuYasha walked up to him, feeling very protective of him in that moment, and placed his hand on the boy's unwounded shoulder, "I'm not giving up on you, kid." Kohaku's face screwed up into a paradoxical display of joy and dread, perhaps beginning to comprehend a life of responsibility for what he had done, carrying the burdens of the past and seeking atonement for them in the future. Not an easy life at all.

"But," Kohaku had a new note of desperation in his voice, dragging sympathy out of InuYasha despite himself, "what if he comes back? What if another monster comes and learns about the jewel I carry? What if someone else can control me? What if I can't stop them?" The tears were coming again as his words trailed off and struck InuYasha in the heart as surely as an arrow. For he understood the boy's fear completely, it resonated so deeply with his own. What did you do when you couldn't be sure your will would always be your own? How could your friends trust you? How could you trust yourself? If he didn't have an answer for himself, he didn't have one for Kohaku. Everything he thought to say sounded stupid, but he knew he owed it to the kid to say something. He said the first thing that came to his heart.

"I told you already kid," he said simply, "I'm not giving up on you."

He jerked his head back to the camp, pointing the way for Kohaku to walk with him. Kohaku hesitated for a moment.

"You won't tell my sister?"

"Nope." InuYasha sighed inwardly at this responsibility, "you can tell her yourself when you're ready."

Kohaku accepted this, not looking like he planned to tell anyone anything about this, and they left the lakeside. Kohaku seemed somewhat more at ease, but now InuYasha was beginning to feel depressed. He'd said some noble words, even believed them. He knew he'd given Kohaku something important that he needed, someone other than himself to be responsible to.

_But who is not going to give up on me?_

When they arrived at camp, walking in silence, InuYasha realized something was missing. Sango walked up to him and with a mild edge in her voice said, "Kagome left on her walk a while ago, InuYasha." Implied in her tone was that he better get moving to follow her or Sango was going to see to it he had no dinner that night. Getting the point, he gave Kohaku a little wave and headed off after her scent, turning up to follow her path along a streambed when he came to her little stick marker.

As he sped after Kagome's scent up the mountainside, worry crept into his guilt-laden heart. At times like this, when he was shirking his sworn protection of Kagome, the worst thoughts would creep into his mind. The ones that made his throat constrict to the point of pain. What if something happened to her because he wasn't there? What if it happened because he _was_ there? The thought of being so close to someone, especially the sweet girl that he suspected had stolen his heart, and then losing her to his own horrible weaknesses, was absolutely unbearable. He knew these thoughts weren't terribly rational, but they still brought with them all the pain of his mother's death, Kikyo's 'betrayal,' and his lost soul back to him full force. If he thought about it too long, Kohaku's struggle actually made sense to him, and Kikyo's offer of death seemed almost inviting.

He shook his head and coughed to relax his throat, _I'm not giving up on myself, _he thought. _If I'm not giving up on Kohaku, I'm sure as hell not giving up on me just yet._ Faster, he sped through the trees, trying to outrun the fear nipping at his heels, the hollow fear of loss keeping pace with every move he made.

He followed her footprints until he saw large rocks obscuring a clearing. A feeling of dread filled him. He knew this place. This was Kikyo's place. Kagome had come to Kikyo? What would he find on the other side of the rocks? Kikyo hadn't made a move to hurt Kagome in a long time, but InuYasha didn't even pretend to understand Kikyo's motives anymore and his worry over letting Kagome out of his sight took precedence and filled his mind with images of horror. Shaking the ugly pictures out of his head again, he peeked his nose between two rocks to look at the deep pond with a waterfall splashing merrily down in the afternoon sun. He could barely see Kagome through the crack in the rocks, but she was there, over near the waterfall. She said something out loud he couldn't hear and clapped her hands. What the hell was she doing? Was she trying to draw Kikyo out of hiding? Was Kikyo in the water? What an idiot!

"Just SIT already!" he heard her say it and felt the hard jerk at the back of his neck which signaled his downfall, literally. As his face smashed into the soft earth at his feet, he started a growl and then quickly stopped, remembering he wasn't supposed to be here. Frustrated and angry, he stood back up trying to decide what to do. God, how he hated that! Didn't she know how much he hated that? Hadn't he come up here to protect her? What kind of appreciation was that? Then a new thought struck him, _What did I do to her that she's giving me the 'sit' command when she thinks she's alone?_

He moved back to look at her through the space between the rocks. He had to adjust his angle little against the rock to get a good view, and he started when he realized she was taking her clothes off. She was going to go for a swim!

He pulled away from the rock, his heart thumping. What was she thinking? Even if Kikyo wasn't there, there could be demons and perverts out here, just waiting for some fool girl to do something stupid like this. Of course, he reminded himself, I am here to make sure that doesn't happen. His breathing slowed a little, and he turned back around to look through the rocks again, just in time to see her walk slowly into the obviously cold water. He had caught glimpses of her without clothes on before, usually right before she sat him, but he'd never seen all of her like this, with the luxury of being able to just stare. Now he didn't just stare, he gawked, and as she threw herself into the water, her rear end rising to precede her lovely long legs into the water, his lower region responded completely of its own accord, as it always did upon those little glimpses.

He backed away from the rock again, heart pounding harder. His mind wanted him to run away, not violate her trust, but his heart was not willing to let him budge. He found this annoying until he realized what was going on. Somewhere in the confused mess of emotions he had carried around in him ever since he could remember, he had dreamed of this, dreamed of her. Feeling free of battle and defense for the first time in memory, seeing her like this, those dreams were coming forward, pushing away the guilt, anger and pain. They were telling him it was okay to want to stay.

Not at all sure he was doing the right thing, he let his great desire to protect her win his internal struggle, and he decided to stay. Acting out of some sense of propriety that came from he-didn't-know-where, he would not let himself look. He settled down to wait until he heard her leave the pool. The view from where he stood was nice, so he leaned casually against another rock to watch the lake spread a sparkling fan out below. He was feeling very self-conscious even though, he thought dryly to himself, no one was watching _him_.

His feigned nonchalance was no good. He couldn't help it. With no battles to plan and no demons to sniff out, the image of her upending into the water was now fixed in his mind, and soon the rock in his hakama pants was challenging the rock against which he rested, and it was becoming uncomfortable. After several minutes of adjusting himself to the rock, squatting and sitting, he gave in and decided that if he really was going to protect her, he should do it right.

He silently stalked around the clearing, taking off his haori to be less visible, and hiding in a particularly dense tree. He found his place just in time to see her move under the water fall, whooping and sputtering as the water pummeled her head. Her hair washed in streams down over her shoulders and breasts. He watched this scene in amazement. She was having so much fun, he envied her ability to laugh out loud when no one was there – at least as far as she knew. Watching her enjoy the water made him happy. His heart softened and he felt warm, glad that she was in the world for him to protect.

Soon, to his happy consternation, she was out of the water and stretching luxuriously on a rock, letting the sun warm her body and the rock support her. Looking at her, warm and alive in the afternoon light, the striking contrast with Kikyo hit him like a lightning bolt. Kagome lay smiling in the sun, enjoying being alive, enjoying the feelings of her beautiful body. And Kikyo, who in that same clearing would lie unbreathing in the cold water, had only the memory of feelings, was only the memory of such beauty. One so alive, the other so … he choked up at the mere thought of it. Quite unexpectedly, he knew the choice would have to be made soon. Long he'd known this time would come, when he would have to choose. The rest of them thought it was a choice between two women, but he knew it was much more than that. It was a choice between life and death - his.

He watched Kagome smile at a private thought and reach her arms over her head to stretch, enjoying the feeling of being so free. She was truly beautiful, he thought, letting his eyes linger on her smooth skin, round breasts, tiny waist, perfect hips …. When had she become a woman, and he hadn't even noticed? His lower portion pulsed and he realized with a blush that maybe he had noticed. He remembered fondly the feel of her thighs and breasts on his back as they flew through the treetops. The pressure of her hands on his shoulders, pulling him into her. The memory stirred another pulse below. He enjoyed that feeling too.

Feeling his body come alive, watching her body so free, the dark thoughts of the morning's talk with Kohaku, and his brief flirtation with Kikyo's invitation to leave his guilts behind, faded. Their darkness was overcome by Kagome's light and life, shining on his soul like the sunlight on her skin.

He became very aware just then that his feelings for Kagome had gone beyond anything he'd ever felt for Kikyo. She was so full of life. So quick to love and to forgive. Looking at Kagome, the small smile on her lips, her body bursting with life, he suddenly knew what he wanted.

He wanted her. He wanted the happiness he knew they could have together. He wanted life. He felt a slight _bump_ in his heart, and knew deep inside that it was the sound of his soul settling back into its home. Could it be that simple?

Like a prisoner freed from his cage, this simple thought, _I want her – I want life, _crowded out all the unhappy feelings inside him. He felt immensely happy all of a sudden, strong enough to drive away all the demons inside and outside. He almost jumped out of his tree and ran down to scoop her into his arms, apologize profusely for being a jerk and carry her away with him. But he stopped; Kagome wouldn't turn him away if he leapt down there right now … or would she? He sighed and realized that he really didn't have a clue how she would react. He hadn't talked to her in weeks about anything real, he had no idea what she was thinking, or what she would think of her protector turning peeper. And the last thing he wanted to do was totally ruin this moment – for either one of them – with his usual arrogant assertion that whatever he wanted should be his. Kagome herself had proved that assumption wrong more often than not. He let out a small whimper and stayed in the tree. Better not to let her know he was there at all.

Kagome couldn't help noticing that InuYasha was very late returning from wherever he was the afternoon she found the pool. Her confidence of the morning had worn away when he didn't come back except to announce he was going hunting again. He didn't even talk to her. As the afternoon went on, her earlier thought that maybe she didn't really belong in this ancient world began to grow and take on form in her mind. She'd had plenty of conversations with herself about the improbability of the two of them actually coming together. He was almost a hundred years old – or was it two hundred? No one seemed to know for sure. If he was looking for a relationship, he was probably thinking kids, settling down, a quiet little ancient Japanese wife. She was just a kid herself, a modern kid, no less. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her life, but she didn't just want to tend a house – his or anyone else's -- for a long time. If ever. Did he even want a house? She certainly wasn't going to live in a tree, which seemed to be his favorite abode.

Their worlds were so different, especially now that they didn't share the quest for the jewel. The quest for the jewel. When she thought about it, she remembered that he had never really wanted to be with her from the start. His quest had been first for the jewel, then for Naraku, and then for Kikyo. She, Kagome, was just a convenient addition to the team to help him achieve his goals. And even though she knew they had shared a special friendship, that wasn't really the same as being his reason for the journey. His reasons were elsewhere, not with her. Now that Naraku and the jewel seemed gone, maybe it was Kikyo that had him so distracted. Maybe, her deepest doubt surfaced again, maybe he was flitting away to meet with Kikyo. Maybe he'd decided to go with her after all. To where? Did she still want him to die with her? Did he want to? This thought was very depressing so she moved on to other worries.

It was only a couple weeks until she had to return to school, and her mind turned to the anxieties of a schoolgirl embarking on her last year of High School. She'd have to get new clothes, new shoes, new notebooks. And maybe she'd have to get new friends too. This thought made her very sad. Miroku, Sango, Kilala and Kohaku were planning to return to the demonslayer's village and try to rebuild it, cultivating some of the fields down below for farming. She wished them well, but knew she couldn't join them. Her home had always been either the Higurashi Shrine with her family, or here with InuYasha these last few years. 'Home with InuYasha' was feeling less and less likely. Maybe she would just come back for special occasions, to visit the new village.

Shippo and Kilala both saw how sad she was, suddenly. "That jerk!" Shippo blurted out from Kilala's back, the big cat approaching her close enough for Shippo to see a tear in Kagome's eyes as she brought water up from the lake. "Why is InuYasha being so mean to you?"

His words released something she hadn't known was in her. "Look, Shippo," she said, her voice rising out of her control, "InuYasha just doesn't want a weird futuristic girl like me." She stopped short as the meaning of these words hit her and she suddenly felt awkward, ugly and … ill fitted to this place. The tear fell and her throat closed up a little. Sango was nearby and overheard her outburst. She came over and instinctively hugged her friend. She knew exactly what was going on. She didn't know the solution, but she knew that Kagome needed the warmth of her surrogate big sister. Kagome surprised herself by completely breaking down in Sango's embrace. All the confidence in the world couldn't hold a candle to the pain of rejection.

InuYasha happened to return from his hunting trip at that moment, with a small boar slung over his shoulder. He walked out of the evening dusk up to Miroku who was chopping wood, awkwardly favoring his more injured leg. Kagome's cry stopped him in his tracks. Scowling a little out of habit, he said, "what the hell is wrong with her?"

Miroku rounded on his friend with an incredulous expression and his ax poised. "What?" InuYasha just looked at him blankly. "You idiot! _You're_ what's wrong with her!" He grabbed the last piece of wood he'd cut and snorted. "Are you so wrapped up in yourself that you can't see you're losing her? Is that what you want?" He left a stunned half-breed behind as he walked to the fire, dropping his load and tapped Kagome's shoulder to give her a hug himself. He felt like her big brother these days and it hurt him to see her so lonely.

InuYasha turned and fled, his heart pounding in his ears. He'd gone hunting that afternoon to think about how to tell her about the choice he'd made – that he wanted to be with her. Miroku's words had cut through him as surely as his ax could have at that moment. _Losing her? I'm losing her, before she's even mine? Just like … Kikyo!_

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: Goddess Takahashi's characters, of course, remain hers._

**Lost Souls Found**

**Chapter 4: Summer's End**

That night, the stars were out and the breeze was light. It would have been a beautiful evening of friendship and laughter around the fire, except that no one said a word all through dinner. InuYasha hadn't returned since dropping his catch and fleeing again, running from something Miroku had said to him in anger. Kagome had fumed and then just fallen silent, exhausted of feelings. She sat next to Kohaku, somehow feeling comfort in sharing a sadness neither wanted to speak of.

After they had eaten, InuYasha walked calmly from the darkened trees and into the fire's light just as the carcass was given to Kilala, who transformed to finish it off, bones and all. InuYasha was starving, but he couldn't' seem to care about this. Miroku and Sango saw what was coming and shooed Kohaku and Shippo off to bed, retreating, themselves, into the shadows.

Kagome sat unmoving. Her heart was suspended somewhere between fear, sadness and blinding rage. InuYasha recognized the rage part, and took a deep breath. He sat down beside her and lifted a stick to poke at the fire.

"Kagome," he said quietly.

"Yeah," she was trying to sound lighthearted, but he realized in a rush that Miroku had been right. He may already have lost her.

"I think maybe," he was really not sure how to say this at all, despite trying to practice all afternoon, "maybe I'm being kindof stupid."

"You think?" Ouch. She really was mad.

"Look -" he stopped himself from increasing the volume in his voice. He had to be careful that he didn't get mad too and really tick her off, "I'm … I guess I'm sorry." He chanced a look at her face and saw that this wasn't' going to be enough. She was going to make him say all of it. "I … I've been feeling really confused … lately."

Her face was lit by the fire and he thought he saw her expression change just a little. Good, maybe she was at least listening now. He summoned his courage and went on.

"I miss you. I miss us." There. He'd said it.

Unfortunately, this seemed to have the effect of lighting a fuse, like the firelight in her eyes.

"Well, you have a goddamn funny way of showing it!" She got up and stormed away to the sleeping area. He definitely couldn't follow her up there with all the lumps of slumbering bodies, so he stayed by the fire, looking at the deeply lonely stars for the rest of the night. This was going to be harder than he thought.

To his surprise, the next day went more smoothly. Maybe she had just needed to blow off a little steam at him. Or maybe his words had actually had some of their desired effect. He couldn't be sure, but he almost fell out of his tree as he saw her pack up her bag to go for her walk, turning her head to look at him out of the corner of her eye. She had a mischievous grin and – did he see that right? Did she really jerk her head slightly towards her path to the waterfall? Was she inviting him to come with her?

InuYasha's heart was pounding in his chest as he watched her disappear into the forest. After the previous day, and his awkward attempt to reach out to her, he'd hated himself for watching her unannounced by the pool; he felt like a lecher, a vision of himself that did not fit comfortably with his pride. The very thought of going there again, on her invitation with no need to sneak, brought a rush of warmth and excitement to him that he was sure would be visible on more than one region of his body.

He continued to sit there and try to think, though that was just as hard as other things – because of other things, actually. He was fairly sure that she was testing him, testing his awkward and stupid attempts to bring them closer together again, and this was his chance to screw up. But if he didn't screw up, he might be taking a step towards a future that he now knew he craved.

After a few minutes, he took off through the treetops. A nagging doubt came along for the ride. He really didn't know what he would say when she asked why he'd been so withdrawn. He didn't want to frighten her, didn't want her to know his demon still lived within him. But for the first time in months, maybe years, the thought of something more important than his fear drove him forward. Somehow there had to be a way, a way to be with her, a way to live and love with her. He would worry about how to handle the demon later.

Kagome's heart pounded. What had she done? She was flirting with InuYasha like the school girl she was. Did he even understand what she meant with that look? He could be so thick sometimes … and was she setting herself up for another crying fit if he didn't come? Would that be the end and send her running back down the well forever? _It just might_, said that little voice that had been growing louder in her head. _There are people on the other side of the well who care about you and others that will love you, too. _

By the time she came to the streambed, she'd decided in her mind that he wasn't coming. She would pack up and leave in the morning. It was only a two day walk to the village, and she was sure Sango would send Kilala with her for protection. She had her plan all worked out. This would be her last day at the waterfall, so she steeled herself to enjoy it and lie on her favorite rock for the last time, to reinforce her new found independence. She stepped up into the clearing.

And there he was. Sitting on her rock. He crouched, with his knees up to his shoulders and has hands on his feet. He had the saddest expression on his face, it wilted her heart the moment she saw it.

"Hi," she said, huffing a little as she took the high step up the hillside to stand on the miniature beach lapping the edges of the crystal water. "You came."

"Yeah," he said, doubt clouding his face, "you wanted me to, didn't you?" He looked ready to bolt if she even hinted at a mistaken interpretation of her invitation. She was careful to keep her expression even, so as not to scare him off.

"Yeah," she dropped her pack. "I did."

His ears twitched.

"InuYasha, I'm sorry I got so mad last night." She dropped to her knees to rummage for a water bottle. "I've been missing you too." She took a swig of water and sat on the sand to remove her shoes. "Isn't it stupid that we've been together for weeks now, nothing to do but be together, and we're both so lonely?"

His expression was breaking her heart. He looked like he was about to cry. _Don't go there, Kagome, _the voice said, _his pride won't forget that one for a long time._

She stood and came over to him on the rock. She couldn't help herself. She reached out and scratched him behind the ears. He relaxed into her hand and she stroked his hair, his eyes closed. After a minute, he scooched to the edge of the rock, and wrapped his arms around her waist, squeezing so hard she could barely breathe. Burying his face in her stomach he said her name. He was breathing deeply -- if not crying, barely holding it off. His muffled words came through her very bones, "Kagome, I don't want to lose you."

Her anger melted like warming snow, and she encircled his silver-maned head in her arms, sinking to her knees to look up at his face. "Then don't," she whispered.

The moment had come too quickly, their faces were inches apart, their eyes locked in as intimate a communion as existed. The pull to kiss her was unbearable, and all the confusion and fear and craving that feeling brought with it was equally unbearable. She seemed to understand something of this in his eyes because she pulled away and asked, "can't you tell me why you're so unhappy?"

He pulled her to her feet and engulfed her in another hug. She could feel his body shudder once or twice. He took a deep breath, "okay," he whispered into her hair.

They sat by the pool as the sun arced through the sky, shimmering water sparkling in their eyes. He told her everything he had come to understand about his choice between her and Kikyo, life and death. He admitted that he's been a jerk and unfair to her in the past, never willing to decide and keeping her at bay all this time. But he swore to her that he knew it was time to make a choice, and his choice was clear.

"Kagome, I don't want to die," the words came from his heart, and she could tell. "I want to live. And I want to be with you. You are life for me." They held each other for several minutes after that, tears streaming down Kagome's cheeks. He did not mention his fear of the demon within him, the continuing thread of doubt that lived in his heart. Holding her, feeling his soul back in place, he realized, he could almost forget about it.

In return, she told him of her confusions about where her true home was, what it meant in her world to be closing out your High School years, and the big decisions that lay ahead for her. She talked of her feelings for him with confidence, her confusion, her desire, her choices. They held each other as they talked, by the hand and by the heart.

Finally, the sun began to set.

"Shoot," Kagome said, noticing the sun's splash of color on the horizon, "I didn't get to take my bath." She had completely forgotten about her vow to leave for the well in the morning, having unconsciously decided not to leave just yet.

"It's kind of cool for a waterfall now," InuYasha said, eyeing the falls and the fading sunlight. "How about a hot spring?"

Kagome's heart jumped into her throat. Was he inviting her, or just offering to take her?

"Hot spring would be great," she said, trying not to sound too excited in case he had nothing more than the usual I-get-in-while-he-hides-behind-a-rock kind of evening in mind.

"Climb on," he moved to one knee propping his hands behind him to accept her bended knees. She eagerly shouldered her pack and mounted him. It was good to feel his strong hands on her knees, his shoulders under her hands, his warm back between her thighs. After the long talk, which had brought them closer than they had ever been, she needed his touch to assure her that it was real. Settling into him, she remembered how much she had missed this.

InuYasha stood and hiked her weight a little more comfortably. God, she felt good back there. Now that he had some imagery for those thighs and breasts pressing into him from behind, carrying her was a completely different experience. He liked it even more.

They rose into the air, his strength moving them effortlessly, their hair flying behind them. Below, in the growing dark, a shadowed figure in dusky red and white emerged from the trees. It looked after the flying pair for a moment and then moved silently into the water.

They flew through the treetops, striking out through forests green and lush below them. InuYasha headed straight to his destination, a small hot spring nestled into a rocky tumble. There was a little cave, really not much more than a rock overhang, about 20 feet from the pool. It was lovely in the early evening dusk.

Their hearts pounding from the exhilarating experience of flying together again, they settled in to make dinner, quietly talking. It was almost like old times. But not quite.

When dinner was over, they looked at each other over the firelight. The day had been magical for both of them, closing the chasms that had split between them over the previous weeks and building new bridges to explore together. But, as with every bridge that is built, certain crossings must be made for things to progress. A silence hung in the air, mingling with the mists of the steaming hot water, inviting them. Their hearts were beating strongly in their ears, the result of the growing intimacy of the day. They'd come close to this particular crossing only a few times before in their long friendship, and always they had turned away.

InuYasha looked away from her eyes and down to the mess of bones, wrappings and cooking sticks which lay scattered around the fire. Usually, Sango and Kagome cleaned up this mess, but he knew he needed a moment to himself, so he leaned over and started to pick up the wreckage of their meal. Kagome seemed to understand his need for a small breather in the conversation and started rummaging in her pack. InuYasha collected the stuff and mumbled something about being right back before taking off at a good pace into the forest. Best to get the stuff far away so that it didn't attract the wrong kind of predator. After a few minutes at top speed, he found a small clearing several miles away and dug a hole two feet deep in about thirty seconds to bury it.

As he stamped down the little garbage grave, brushing off his haori sleeves (which were completely impervious to dirt, stains and blood) he took a deep breath. He was so happy, relieved beyond description that Kagome had not shut him out, that he hadn't lost her. But his problems were now even more complicated than before, for now he understood better that she too was confused, facing so many decisions about her future and the bewildering choices before her. If he longed for a simple life with a retired-Miko, having the best of all worlds – free to rove the wilderness and protect his friends from all manner of evil in the world while still returning home to a warm fire and delicious dinner – sticking it out with Kagome was not going to bring him that life. She wanted to do things in her world. Things he couldn't even pretend to understand. Things he didn't personally care much about.

He looked up at the stars, the same lonely glimmers he'd looked at every night of his life. He felt momentarily paralyzed. He'd made his choice, but the practical implications of it were just beginning to become clear to him. He knew things hadn't progressed too far for him to turn back. He could still take her back to the camp and disappear forever from her life. He knew after today that it was unfair to her to display any more equivocation, to do anything else but make this choice and be done with it. She too, had a choice before her. In fact, she seemed to be more aware of it than he had been before yesterday. She had made it clear with her words that she would include him in her confusing decisions, be willing to explore accommodations and to find a place for him in her life, if – and only if – he were willing to do the same. With her words and her eyes, she'd told him her terms. And with her actions ever since he'd known her, she'd shown him the gifts he would receive for taking on such a challenge.

He remained rooted in that spot for some time. He knew she was beginning to worry. Worry that he wasn't coming back. Worry that she'd lost him. And maybe she had good reason to worry. The longer he dwelt on the options before him, the more fear rose in his heart again. What if they tried and she ended up going back to her own world for good? What if he couldn't learn to like the place for him she made in her life? What if they lived happily ever after, until she died at the end of her short human life and left him alone again? What if … the fear that had been pushed aside in the afternoon's magic came back in a rush … what if he lost control of himself again?

He was beginning to feel angry. Angry at the unfairness of it all. Angry that he even had to deal with this shit. Angry because every path he chose held risk, pain and sacrifice. He tried to remember a time in his life when anger hadn't simmered just below his surface and he felt free and happy, how could he get back to that place? The happy memories did begin to flood him then. And every one of them included Kagome – except for one. The memory of the day Kikyo said she would accept him as her human husband. That day had been magical too. That day he had felt loved, not because of his strength and cunning, but because of his heart. He felt loved for his human half, and it was his human half that had loved her back. That day he had not felt alone. That day, he had been ready to sacrifice all his physical power in order to belong, to love and be loved. That day he had not felt fear.

How had he overcome the fear then? A little voice whispered as though far away, echoing down the tunnels of time from that day so long ago.

_You asked yourself, 'what is the worst that can happen?' _

"Yeah," he said out loud to the trees, silent witnesses to his angst, "but I was an idiot. I couldn't even dream of the worst that could happen, until after it did."

_But you're still here. And you've had many wonderful things happen to you since that day._

"And many awful things, too."

_Do you know the one without the other?_

"What's the worst that can happen this time?"

_What is it?_

The words came up from his heart without his mind even having time to stop them. "That Kagome and I are happy together until the day that she dies in my arms," he swallowed, "and I have to live alone again."

_So living alone now is better?_

"… No."

_So having years of happiness cannot sustain you through the pain that may follow?_

"I don't know."

_You're not strong enough to withstand the pain of being alone?_

"Of course I am. Haven't I always?"

_Then what do you fear? Being alone is bad. But it's not the worst. _

"Argh!" InuYasha felt a great pressure building in him, something he'd kept bottled up inside ever since the day he met that fucking monster, Goshinki. He finally let it out, and the words themselves felt like bile coming into his mouth. "That I lose myself! It's not enough that sometimes I can't protect her, but I can't risk being the one that hurts her!" The fear was a fist reaching into his ribcage and squeezing his heart up into his throat. He could hardly breathe.

_So far, she's managed not to let herself be killed by you._

"She has the damn necklace!" He reached up and tried in vain to yank it off.

_And thank goodness she does._

"Yeah." InuYasha sighed. "That's true. I guess it's useful that way, but I hate it. It's not how I want to live my life!" Back to being trapped between shitty choices. He growled.

_You can have Kagome and the necklace and a complicated life and love, or no Kagome and freedom and a simple life and be alone. Is this really such a hard choice?_

InuYasha stared at the darkness around him. Put that way, the choice did sound simple, but the dangers were life and death real, and the necklace was more than an object, it was his freedom. It was his pride.

InuYasha stood quietly another few minutes and then turned silently in the night and was gone.

TBC


	6. Chapter 7

_Author's note: Finally! A Lemon! Or is this a Lime?_

**Lost Souls Found**

**Chapter 5: Sweet Hanyou**

Kagome felt a small stab of fear as InuYasha took off with their garbage. She'd been pretty straight with him, laying out her thoughts, wishes and dilemmas. Making sure he knew that she had decisions to make with her life, and that she planned to make them. She had only asked that he let her know whether to factor him into the equation or not. And she thought she'd made it pretty obvious that she hoped he wanted to be factored in.

Doubts began to plague her as she laid out her blanket in the mini cave, and he didn't return. As she brushed her teeth, and he didn't return. As she laid out her towel and PJs by the hot spring, and he didn't return. As she stripped her clothes, washed them and laid them out on the warm rocks to dry through the night, and he didn't return. As she pinned her hair up off her neck, and he didn't return. As she stepped into the soothing warm water, and he didn't return. She didn't really think he'd strand her out here, since she had no idea how to get back, but then, he didn't return.

Frustration arose in her, boiling up with the blush that spread through her cheeks as the water had its effect. Why was she always on this emotional roller coaster with him? Her life would be so much easier with a regular guy, someone who wore normal clothes and didn't rip bad guys to shreds for a living. Wouldn't she just be better off going home and staying there? Finding someone who wasn't so afraid of his own feelings that he couldn't stay close to her, where she needed him to be? Argh!

But today, he had been close, right where she needed him. Listening. Talking. Feeling. Holding her hand and letting her rest her body on his strength. Why couldn't he just stay that way, instead of running away again? Could she keep this up? The hoping? The trusting? Could she keep shooing away the doubts forever?

The heat was making her woozy, so she stepped up on a rock to sit with her feet dangling in the spring. The steam rose from her body as the residual moisture kissed the cooling night air. Her head began to clear and she felt a little better. There was no more to it. Either he came back and stayed, or she went home and stayed. Her terms hadn't changed. It was up to him.

The small insect noises stopped abruptly and she knew she wasn't alone. The fire had died down to embers and she spotted her bow more than twenty yards away, leaning against the mini-cave's entrance. Her heart thumped loudly in her ears, and she was acutely aware of her vulnerability to whatever had stilled the night. She almost jumped into the water, but something stopped her. Somehow she knew that this was a pivotal moment in her life, and that she had to be fully focused on it.

A step. His step. She breathed again and looked to his silhouette by the fading firelight. Now she was completely aware of her nakedness, inside and out. Her heart picked up again. He wasn't saying anything. Had he come to tell her good-bye after all?

"Kagome." His voice was soft. "I almost stayed away tonight."

"I know," she hated the fact that she did know.

"But I can't …" he breathed deeply. "I can't stay away from you."

"But do you still want to?" Wow. She was amazed at herself. She wasn't going to cut him any slack. She was going to make him say it all. "Are you going to keep running away?"

"No." He chuckled a mirthless sound. "But I admit that I'm scared shitless."

"Of what?"

"Everything. The future. Me fitting into your life. You fitting into mine. Of … " He cut his words off and his voice lowered to a strangled whisper, "Of losing you."

"Right now, you're the only one that can make that happen." It was like someone else was using her voice; saying these words from her heart. She was dizzy, but recognized the voice of her soul.

"I know that." He smiled, a shadow shifting across his darkened face. "That's why I'm here."

She smiled back. "Well, then _come_ here, already." _Oh shit! I'm naked and I invited him over here._

"Hm." He hesitated briefly, but moved towards her, maneuvering around the rocky terrain to stand over her in the dark. The bridge spanned out between then, waiting for a traveler. He sat down next to her on the rock, his back to the pool that she faced, his body twisted to look at her. He had the decency to look at her face, but somehow she knew that he was acutely aware of the rest of her as well. His voice was still low.

"I'm here." His hand rose to her face and cupped her cheek. She felt his claws push gently into her hair, which fell gently out of its pin to slide down over her shoulder as he wiggled his fingers a bit to loosen it.

Kagome's heart pounded and her breath had become short. She was incredibly aware of her body, responding to his touch. Heat was rising through her like a wash of hot breath through her veins. Things were stirring inside her, feelings both physical and emotional, wrapping together and embracing her in warmth and excitement. _I never thought about what to do if this really happened, s_he thought to herself. _It was always just a fantasy._ She felt his thumb stroke her lips, and her heart just about jumped out of her ribcage. _This is real life!_

His eyes had lost their golden glow in the night's shadow of blue-gray, but they burned into her anyway as he drew her to him. His lips were surprisingly soft against her own, as soft as his hand was hard, holding the back of her head in case she tried to pull away. But she didn't. That was the last thing she wanted to do. As this became obvious to him, his hand slipped down her neck slowly, letting the tips of his claws lightly trail against her skin, sharper than a tickle. She wasn't sure exactly what to do, but her body was more confident, responding to his touch by reaching out to him, wrapping her hand around his neck, opening herself to him, opening her lips to draw his tongue in and sending her own to explore his mouth, feeling his fangs and giggling at how cute they felt, until he gently bit her with them.

They drew away from each other, their breathing heavier, their bodies rushing with heat. His hand was on her neck and moved to stroke her shoulder, down her arm, letting his sleeve brush her breast.

"I'm a little ahead of you here," she heard herself say. Her hands reached up to untie the small string that lay across his haori. He slid his hands under her elbows and onto her waist, lifting her as though she weighed nothing and seating her on his lap, straddling him so that she had a better angle to pull and tug at his clothing.

Still amazed at her daring, she untied his outer haori, leaning into him to push it off his shoulders, he kissed her when her face brushed his. As she searched for the tie that held his inner shirt, he held his arms out, letting her do the work. Part of her noticed how unusual this was for him, rarely letting anyone do anything for him unless he was injured. She found the tie and soon had it undone, pushing it off to reveal his lean, powerful chest. He let her touch him, resting his arms on her thighs. She moved her hand over his muscles and the smoother parts, feeling the softness of skin rarely exposed. She had touched him so many times before, healing him and soothing his pain. But this was different. This body, the one on fire under her touch, the one that responded to every little movement of her fingers, that breathed his breath in time with hers, this was a man she had never known before. This was the man she had wanted to know, wanted to find, wanted.

He wore nothing above the waist but his Sit Beads. She fingered them. "Do you want me to take them off?"

He looked down at her hands, massaging the small beads between her thumb and forefinger. How often had he wanted her to say those words? To his surprise, remembering the new thread of security they gave him, he said, "not yet." Judging by the angle of her head in the dark, this was not what she had expected him to say. To his continued surprise, he laughed. "One thing at a time, okay?" And then he laughed harder. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed at himself so hard. Soon she was laughing too, and they hugged, her breasts softly crushing into his bare chest, their arms wrapping around each other.

Slowly they fell into chuckles and then silence again. She felt him nuzzle her neck from inside the embrace, his ears tickling her cheek and bringing the smile back to her lips. Lifting her chin, and threading her fingers through his long soft hair to hold his head in her hands, she brought him back around to her mouth and she was lost in his kiss once more. This time what began as a slow luxurious movement became more intense as a long-held passion bloomed between them. They were both aware of the release, finally able to show each other, and themselves, feelings they had held inside for months – maybe years. His hands moved over her, feeling the places he had so longed to touch. She let him touch her, excited by the signs of his desire.

His fire rat hakama pants couldn't hide the fact that the rest of him wanted into the action. Kagome was a little unsure what to do when she could no longer ignore his insistent pushing under her, having never seriously considered the possibility of this particular moment.

"InuYasha," she said pulling away. His eyes were closed and his open mouth followed her backwards movement, moving with little kisses down her chin and neck. She tried to stop before he got any lower, but his firm grip on her ribcage forced her back until her upper body lay in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist. His kisses kept moving down her, licking the hollows at the base of her neck and down into the space between her breasts. She was breathing so fast she hoped she didn't pass out, when he moved over to take a breast into his mouth. His sharp fangs scraped lightly against her skin, and her nipple contracted under his tongue, coaxing an involuntary moan from her lips. He replied, equally unconsciously, with a growl that rumbled up from his entire body.

_Oh geez. Oh geez. Oh geez. _She thought, somewhere between ecstasy and terror. _I'm not sure this was such a good idea._ His growl deepened and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her open hips into his lap, contracting his abs to apply counter pressure and sucking hard on her. She momentarily was lost in a wave of pleasure, feeling a warmth and wetness spread from inside her. He responded to the smell of her, rising on the heat between them, his growl becoming a moan of need.

He stopped, pulling her back up and placed his head on her shoulder, panting into her neck. She could feel his heart beating against hers. She held him tight, wondering what to do next.

"Kagome," his voice sounded strange. Husky and slow. "I don't think there's … I can't … there's not much turning back from here for me." His words were awkward, as though his brain was a little addled. "Is this what you want?"

_Yes! No!_ Both words collided in her mouth, and she cleared her throat to let the right ones out. "More than anything, my sweet hanyou." She reached up to stroke his ears, letting her fingers comb down the length of his hair and lightly scratch his back. "But I'm not sure I'm ready for a bunch of little quarter-demons running around just yet." She hadn't really even been conscious of the fact that this was her one remaining hesitation, although now that she'd voiced it, she was shocked she hadn't thought of it sooner. No. Definitely not ready for motherhood.

"'Sweet hanyou'," she could hear the smile in his voice. "I like the sound of that." She smiled too, knowing how much that meant to him and how easy it was for her to give such a gift. "The quarter-demons. Now there's a dilemma." He sat up; his head apparently clearing for a moment, though his body was still on fire under her fingers. She could feel the tension in his muscles as he held her to him, containing his strength, continuing to push her into him, rocking with little movements over the top of his erection. More warmth spread between her legs.

"Actually …," she embarrassed herself by saying something she'd been thinking for a long time, but never thought she'd be saying to him. Practicality came forth for the moment. As she had come to rely on the benefits of modern science in the feudal era, so there was no reason to hold it in. "Actually, I know of a way to make sure the little guys don't show up until we're ready for them."

He pulled back to look at her completely, his ears twitching. "Huh?" She explained birth control pills, and he stared at her, dumbfounded. "You really do live in an amazing time," he said. He came at her and kissed her until she was breathless again. Pulling away just enough to form words, he said,"when can you get some?"

"Hm. Well," she tried to think back on that pamphlet in the doctor's office she'd seen a year or so ago. It was just about time for her next appointment. "I can probably get it when I go home next time, but," she let her voice trail off, knowing he wasn't going to like the next part,"um, I think it takes a month to work." He didn't say anything, maybe he didn't understand. "We'd have to wait a month."

He took this information in without moving. Then she felt more than saw a wicked grin spread across his face. "A month, huh?" He kissed her lightly on the lips. "But we can still do this, right?" He moved hungrily down to her other breast until she was gasping for air.

"Right," she managed to squeak out between huffs.

The next several days were like a dream Kagome had never had, but always wanted. They were a 'couple' again for all the tasks of the day, and now he took long walks with her, whisking her away on his back sometimes and just walking others. He helped more with her chores, and even spontaneously did more himself. He was kinder to Shippo. He still wouldn't hold her hand in front of the others, but he didn't seem to mind showing his affection with words. At least he didn't call her 'bitch' anymore. She guessed that was his way of showing affection in public. Not quite her ultimate goal, but a step in the right direction.

And at night, he would take her away when the fire died down. Usually, they would go back to the hot spring. He knew how much Kagome enjoyed taking baths in the morning, and she was coming to appreciate how much he enjoyed watching her take them. He even joined her now and then. For some reason, he didn't want to return to the waterfall.

Everything went fine for a few nights, teasing, exploring. But when they stopped to cool down, he would disappear for a few minutes before coming back to curl up with her to sleep. At first she wondered if he were having second thoughts. He wasn't gone very long, and he would come back ready to sleep instead of riled up, the way he had left. Granted, she usually woke up to him jammed against her rear in the night, but when he came back from his jaunts, he was soft and warm all over, ready to snuggle her into his arms.

The fourth night, a previously random thought started to take on shape in her mind.

"InuYasha," she said a little while after he'd returned and they were spooning together. Neither had been able to fall fully asleep, and she felt him getting hard behind her again. He mumbled something in to her hair

"Um," how the hell did she say this? "Before we go to sleep at night … um … where do you go?"

There was a pause. "You know, to get ready to sleep."

Another pause. "But you've never done that the whole time I've known you." She giggled. "You always just flop down, or climb a tree. Have you finally learned to brush your teeth?"

"Keh!" He was waking up now, and the pressure against her backside was getting intense. "You know I don't need to do that."

"Yes you do," Kagome started in on an old argument, but decided to let it go in the interests of staying on subject.

He cleared his throat, knowing she was still waiting for an answer. "I um," he coughed again, "go out to let off some steam. After all," coughcough, "I still have to last another … five weeks at least, right?" He propped himself up on his elbow behind her and moved his hand from her waist where it had tucked her into him up to hold her breast lightly. "You didn't really think I was going to make it that long without … you know … a little release once in a while…," he sniggered a little, "like every night." She thought she felt his whole body blush.

It dawned on her what he was saying, and then she blushed so hard she was sure he could see the glow even in the dark. This was also not a situation she had anticipated.

"What about you, Kagome?" His tone became soft and coaxing. "Don't you need a release? We've been playing a bit, but we're not really to the good stuff yet." Her blush was at least crimson by now.

"Uh," she stammered, knowing what he was asking but not sure how to tell him … "I haven't really found the time – or the place actually – to do anything about it." coughcough "Besides, it's different for girls. We don't need to 'release' quite as often." His hand was back at it again, taunting her and calling her a liar as her body screamed at her idiotic statement.

"Right," he said and she heard the smile on his lips, "would you be offended if I told you I don't believe you? Your scent gives you away." He paused, pulling her against him in the dark, "and it makes me crazy."

"There's not much we could do about it, is there?" Kagome wasn't sure where this conversation was going, "we agreed, didn't we? We'll wait a month, until I get the pills and they take effect."

"That we did," he was still smiling into the dark, "but there are other options, you know." His hand moved down to gently move her legs apart. She felt his claws pass lightly over her inner thighs and she sucked in some air as he continued to stroke her.

"Um, your claws," she said, letting one of her true concerns out, "girls like it gentle … down there," She scrunched up her face to the darkness thinking she sounded like a total wuss. She didn't want to reject his advances, but those claws were sharp!

"Oh. Right. Good point." As if to emphasize his understanding, he pushed a clawtip delicately into her thigh, careful not to break the skin. For the shortest second, she became acutely aware that she was completely vulnerable to a creature that killed monsters with his bare hands. She shook her head to rid herself of the horrible images of the times he had turned into a demon.

He seemed to sense that she wasn't totally comfortable with the direction the conversation was headed. In fact, his action, playful as it was, and her very slight withdrawal, reminded him of his own worries. Some of the fear that had been held off by the last few days of bliss crept back into his heart. But at that particular moment, he was so in love with her, so wrapped up in her scent and being, he couldn't even imagine the demon he had been finding a place to take hold. It was incomprehensible. Thinking of this, of his resolve to somehow find a way, he was comforted.

"Kagome," he said with a voice intended to reassure them both, "you know I could never hurt you." He took her hand and put it on the Sit beads around his neck, "besides, you have this any time you need it." He hoped she realized how hard that was for him to say.

"I know," she said, communicating perfectly that she did indeed understand how hard it was for him to say. "Besides, I believe in you, InuYasha. I know you won't lose yourself." She rolled onto her back and put her arms around his neck, under the silver fall of his hair drifting around her as she drew him to her. They kissed, and most of his worries melted away.

This kiss was one of the good ones. Long and slow, the expression of emotions and sensations building up around and in them both. His body lay across hers, his hands were up around her back, pulling her up against his chest, while his hip and his "little demon" as they'd taken to calling his generously proportioned penis, pushed into her pelvis and lower stomach, pulsing with excitement. It occurred to InuYasha he might have to take off again pretty soon. One release a night just might not be enough.

TBC

_BTW: What the hell is that little string over his haori? Anyone know what the heck it's for? Also, lest you think the 30 day count-down is a tortured plot twist, it is based on an autobiographical incident. Truth is often stranger than fiction_


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's note: Thanks for the reviews! They do so make my day. No, it's not all cheery, after Naraku is "gone." Wouldn't be much story in that, now would there? I can tell already this may take longer to write than I expected -- just too much good relationship stuff to cover. Hope you'll hang with me! As someone wrote in their disclaimer once that really made me laugh, "InuYasha still isn't mine." Bummer …_

_BTW: Sorry for all the chapter updates. The more the story comes together, the more I want to go tighten up earlier chapters – you know – foreshadowing? Don't worry if you don't go back and reread it – I didn't introduce any major new plot twists or anything. Just tried to write better Hope it's not too bothersome in your mail box, but I do think it's making a better story for those reading from the beginning._

**Lost Souls Found**

**Chapter 6: Good-byes**

The last night of Summer Vacation, the band of friends sat around the fire, happy to be together, but subdued under the realization that tomorrow they parted ways. Sango, Miroku, Kohaku and Kilala were headed back to the demonslayers' village to try and rebuild it. Kagome and InuYasha were bound for Kaede's village. The group sat long into the night, reliving old stories, banishing fears, and cementing friendships that would last not only this lifetime, but many, many more. Even Kohaku smiled a little and joined in some of the conversation.

The only one who wasn't content was Shippo. No one knew where Shippo wanted to go when they broke camp in the morning. As Kagome and InuYasha had grown more and more inseparable over the past weeks, poor little Shippo had found himself more and more alone, especially at bedtime. Sango and Miroku also now spent nights together, so the little kitsune had no more big sisters to curl up with to sleep. He tried to play with Kohaku, but the boy was too withdrawn and sad to be much fun. Kilala was a constant companion, but not much of a conversationalist. And if there was one thing they all knew about Shippo, it was that the little guy did need to talk.

"So …," Sango finally said late in the evening, looking at Shippo, sitting quietly by the fire as it crackled brightly under a new log. "Shippo," she said gently, "will you be going back to the Village tomorrow?" Kagome looked shrewdly at her good friend, realizing that – even more than Shippo's destination, she was really angling for an answer from Kagome and InuYasha about their plans. They'd decided to go back to the Village, but hadn't really told the group much more than that. Frankly, they didn't have many more plans than that. She was going to go back to school during the week, and InuYasha … he was going to do … what, they weren't sure. She knew InuYasha was a bit up in the air about what he _could _do, and she was trying to give him room to figure out what he _wanted_ to do. To her surprise, it was he that spoke up.

"Shippo," InuYasha said quietly, "you're coming with me and Kagome back to the village, right?" Shippo looked shocked, and InuYasha continued, "Kagome's going to be gone to school a lot, and … well, I think we can find stuff to do, you and me." Shippo's face took on a happy sheen in the firelight. Somehow, Kagome thought, the offer to join them meant more to the little fox coming from InuYasha than from her or anyone else. She was proud of InuYasha for inviting him to join them. Given the grief Shippo could mete out to his surrogate big brother, she was sure InuYasha had to think on that offer pretty hard before uttering it.

"Of course," Shippo took on his smug tone, the one that tended to piss off InuYasha most, "I always planned to go with you." He jumped into Kagome's lap possessively, "just 'cuz you're being all sweet on Kagome for a change, don't think I trust you not to hurt her again!" Kagome blushed and started to say something kind about InuYasha, but her sweet hanyou beat her to it, grabbing the little guy off her lap and dangling him several feet off the ground.

"What did you say, fox?" InuYasha glared at the kitsune, but Kagome could see a glint of humor in his eyes. Shippo couldn't see it yet.

"Let me down!" Shippo squirmed around comically. "Let me down, you big oaf!"

"Oh, I'll let you down, alright," InuYasha said. He lifted the kit high up in the air and dropped him, squealing, towards the ground. Kagome was a little worried for the kitsune, until she noticed InuYasha's foot come up gently to catch Shippo, just like Souta had taught him to juggle soccer balls last year. Just like a ball, he lightly kicked the young fox demon up and caught him by the scruff of the neck this time, bringing him to eye level. "Shippo, give it a rest, ok? Kagome and I are okay." He looked at Kagome with a smile in his eyes that melted her.

His glance had a slightly different affect on Shippo. The little demon swung his stubby legs up to catch at InuYasha's Fire Rat sleeve and hauled himself onto his arm. Getting a grip, he scurried down the half demon's arm, around his neck and pulled himself through silver hair to mount InuYasha's head, hands gripping the Inu-ears, maybe slightly painfully, judging by his steed's wince.

"Fine," Shippo announced to all present, "I'll take your word for it, and I've got witnesses." He squeezed his little hands again, jerking his arms and turning InuYasha's head to one side to look at Kagome, "but if you hurt her again, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life."

InuYasha rolled his eyes dramatically, which everyone but Shippo saw, making them laugh. Kagome laughed hardest, enjoying how relaxed InuYasha had become. Would it really stay this way?

The next day as they packed away their things, there was a palpable sadness in the air. Kagome watched InuYasha and Sango clean up their camp space while she gave Kohaku and then Miroku a last checkup, making sure they fully understood the instructions for their continued healing. They had agreed that Miroku and Kohaku would ride Kilala most of the way to their new home since their still-healing wounds would tire them out too much if they walked. Kagome had told Miroku earlier this week that his bad leg may never fully heal. He had been ecstatic, she recalled, calling it once more a mere inconvenience compared to the kazaana in his hand. He had confessed to her that he expected to die before or during the battle with Naraku. He considered his new life, the life of cripple, a blessing because he was going to have the chance to share it with Sango.

"So, you are going to be happy with Sango?" She asked him this morning as she examined his leg for the last time, asking him the question she knew her friend so wanted to know the answer to.

"Absolutely," she looked up at his face to see a big smile there.

"You're swearing off other women?" She just had to ask. Glancing back up, she noticed the smile had faded just a bit.

"There are no other women in the demonslayers' village," he said matter-of-factly, avoiding the question.

"Hm," Kagome said as she rewrapped the bandage on his leg. "That means there will be no one around to notice if you just settle down and become Miroku-the-devoted-husband instead of Miroku-the-philandering-Monk." She tied off the wrap and looked up into his face. He looked at her knowingly, dropping his pretense.

"So, you figured it out, huh? My put-on job recently?" He smiled again, warmly. "What better way to protect her from my immanent death than to make her unable to trust me?"

"Miroku, you're transparent," Kagome said, standing, "she's always known." She got a stern expression on her face, "but listen, you were only protecting yourself, and now there's no need." He let her help him stand up. "She doesn't think it's funny anymore. So stop teasing her, okay?"

"Okay," she thought he sounded truthful and so she relaxed, letting go the rest of her speech. He wrapped his arm all they way around her shoulder, hugging her to him. She hugged him back. "And what about you?" He asked quietly, his chin resting on her head. She felt safe, hearing the concern in his voice, and she stayed in the hug. "Are you going to be okay, staying with InuYasha?"

She knew he was asking a multitude of questions. Did she trust him? Was her heart given to him? Would she go home or stay in the past with him? Was she really off the roller coaster?

"We'll be okay," she heard herself saying. "We've got some things to work out, but we'll just have to see how things go." She winced a little at her tone. It sounded very non-committal. She was a little surprised at that, and he seemed to pick up on it, pushing her shoulders gently away to look down at her. His eyes were a beautiful deep blue, an old man's wisdom settled into a boyishly handsome face.

"Kagome," his voice was gentle, "be careful and go slowly." She nodded. "You've seen how long it's taken for him to get this far. Don't expect it to be easy for him." She felt a little disappointment at his words, and realized that she'd been hoping it _would _be that easy for InuYasha to come fully into a relationship. Miroku wasn't done with his big brother advice, "you need to keep forgiving him," his eyes crinkled in a smile, passing years' of shared memories between them, "but don't forgive him too much anymore." As Miroku pulled her back into the hug once again, saying good-bye, she felt a little stab of fear. They were both right. She and InuYasha had many things yet to figure out. Her school schedule was the least of it. Her college decision, his "job" or whatever the heck he was going to do with himself … Naraku might come back … and Kikyo was still out there, somewhere. It had been so easy to forget these things in the last few weeks of bliss.

"Besides," Miroku's tone had lightened a bit, "you still have several more good childbearing years ahead of you. No need to rush." She was pleased to notice he didn't extend her the offer or pat her on the butt, so she tickled him in the sides and made him laugh. She was going to miss him terribly.

Sango was busy counting up their few items of clothing, medicine and food for the trip. Kagome approached her with an extra wrap for Kohaku's wounds. The two young women looked at each other, and saw tears brimming as though they looked into a mirror. They had already said everything. Talked of their fears, their hopes, their plans. They knew when they would try to see each other again, if things happened in a predictable way for a change. All that was left was good-bye. They stayed in each other's arms for several minutes.

InuYasha had been thinking for days about how he was going to say good-bye to Kohaku. The boy hadn't brought up the dark subject that now hung between them whenever they spoke. They shared a secret, but they did not discuss it. InuYasha had become worried that the boy was going to do something stupid when he was out of InuYasha's protective range. He realized this was a slightly arrogant assumption on his part, but he couldn't help feeling responsible for the boy's plight. He'd stopped trying to understand _why_ he felt so responsible. It wasn't like he had anything to do with how that bastard Naraku enslaved the kid in the first place. But somehow, over time, InuYasha had come to feel responsible for all of them, and once Sango was one of his, Kohaku kind of came along as part of the package. And that was _before _he accepted the burden of guilt for inflicting Kohaku's wounds, thanks to the demon he feared still lurked in him. To make all this even more confusing, sometimes he sensed that anger in Kohaku, the anger at InuYasha for not killing him outright. Knowing that the kid blamed him for the fact that he was still alive brought the whole irony full circle. InuYasha had given up trying make it make sense, and simply taken it upon himself to make sure that Kohaku didn't kill himself, finding a way instead to live and be happy about it.

Kohaku was sitting listlessly staring at the lake when InuYasha came upon him that last morning. He'd been like this ever since the battle, often unaware of his surroundings, uncaring and distant. InuYasha found it disturbing whenever he saw that blank look in the kid's eyes. Despite lots of thought on the subject, InuYasha still wasn't sure what to say.

"Hey, kid," he figured he'd start casually and hope Kohaku gave him an opening. "You about ready to go?"

"Yeah." There was a pause; the boy wasn't going to be much help getting this conversation off the ground.

"Listen," might as well just get to the point, "don't think I've forgotten what we talked about before." He had Kohaku's attention, even though the boy didn't turn to look, his stiffened posture told InuYasha what he needed to know. "I'm still not giving up on you." He held his breath and hoped the kid responded somehow. InuYasha really didn't have the slightest idea what to do if the boy kept acting like he didn't care what the hell happened to him. He breathed again when he saw a slight nod of assent. A sudden thought inspired him. He stepped in front of Kohaku, blocking his view of the lake. The boy's sad brown eyes slowly moved up to meet his. InuYasha was careful to compose his face with what he hoped was an appropriate amount of concern and authority.

"I need you to promise me something," Kohaku's eyebrows came together in a question mark. "Before you do anything," he leaned in a little bit for emphasis, "I mean _anything_, other than breathe, eat, sleep or shit, promise me you'll come talk to me about it." Kohaku looked a little surprised. "Got that?"

Kohaku nodded a little hesitantly. InuYasha thought he needed to add a little incentive. "That's how I'm not going to give up on you, get it? I gotta know what I'm believing in." _And_, he thought to himself, _that's how you're not going to give up on me._

"I'll come visit you when I can," InuYasha wasn't quite sure how often that would be, "but you take Kilala to me if you need to." He held his hand out to help the boy stand and head back to where the group was congregating to leave on their last journey together. "Okay?"

"Okay." Kohaku's voice was low, but steady. _Good._

InuYasha and Kohaku walked up to the group, knowing only a few more partings needed to be blessed with words. InuYasha went to Sango first. Ever since the battle, she'd been the perfect woman, demure, sweet, deferential and quiet. He didn't quite know how to act around this new Sango. He missed his friend the demonslayer. He needed to say good-bye to _her_. She almost ran into his arms, hugging him tightly. He held her and felt himself choke up a bit. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes and tried to connect with the warrior he respected so much.

"Sango," he said, "you have to protect these guys for a bit until they get stronger." She nodded. "but if you need anything, you send Kilala for me." They hugged again.

A nagging voice somewhere in his heart told him to find a way to tell her about Kohaku, but he couldn't violate the boy's trust that blatantly. Keeping his hands on her shoulders, his eyes slid from hers to Kohaku and back, "I mean it. Anything."

She looked surprised, following his glance, but she nodded.

Kagome approached Kohaku, carrying a little packet of food she'd pulled together for him, including some of his favorite roots, and some medicinal herbs she'd found that morning. Looking in his eyes, she knew something was still not right. She had helped heal his body, but something inside him was still broken. She thought InuYasha might understand something of the boy's trouble, but he hadn't shared it with her.

Kohaku did brighten up when she handed him his food. He took it gratefully from her. It pleased her to know that he appreciated the fact that she had helped heal him. But she worried that that he wasn't trying hard enough to heal himself.

"Kohaku," she said gently, "I'm going to miss you." She smiled. "We'll come visit as soon as I get a break from school."

She leaned forward and kissed him on the freshly scared skin of his cheek. He pulled away a little, not from pain but from embarrassment. She did not let him out of it, but planted her soft lips on his new skin. He had to learn to accept the scars as a part of him. Maybe this would help.

The girls were laughing as Shippo and little Kilala rolled around in the grass. Kohaku looked on too, which left Miroku and InuYasha on the fringe of the merriment. The hardest good-bye. Miroku, as usual, was the braver. Leaning on his cane and better leg, the Monk turned to his good friend and clapped the hanyou on the shoulder. "Too many things to say, huh?"

"Yep." InuYasha raised his hand to put it over Miroku's on his shoulder. "Look, if things get too tough trying to resurrect that wreck of a fortress Sango used to call home," Miroku rolled his eyes, reliving about a hundred conversations they'd had over the last few months, "you just toss her on Kilala and bring her to the village, okay?" They both laughed. "I'll make sure Kagome talks some sense into her."

Miroku nodded, smiling through his fears and worries. They turned back to watch the kits play, InuYasha still steadying the Monk.

The sun was just breaking the treetops when the little band broke into two, heading off to their futures. They could have all flown with the wind at their backs, but they walked, taking their time moving forward.

_To be continued …_


End file.
